Like Last Time
by Catherine Daniels
Summary: Like de'ja vu only better...or worse, depending on how you look at it.


It was like a bad dream. She had been there before, leaning on the window, telling him goodnight. She had worn that dress before, heard him call out to her friend, drive away and leave her to experience pain and joy like she had never felt before.

She kept going through the motions like the last time, smiling and giggling, as if not knowing what was about to transpire. She knew what he was going to say, that he would walk away from her, find her, kiss her, leave her again, but she felt helpless.

"_Did you want to do that now? We can go inside. I'm feeling kind of good tonight." _ It was like a bad joke now. She couldn't stop the words from spewing. She felt like she was going to vomit if she heard him say the words again. She couldn't take the pain of telling him she couldn't.

"_I was just…"_

Cut him off! Her mind was screaming at her to change things. "Talking to Jan?" She hadn't said that before. She hadn't stopped him from telling her. She was changing things right there.

"Um, yeah. How did you know?"

"I saw you," she covered. "What's going on?"

"Um, I'm-I'm leaving Scranton. I'm going to transfer to Stamford, Connecticut."

"Because of me." It could have been a question-should have been a question. It wasn't. She knew why he had left-why he was leaving. She didn't want him to leave this time. Not without hearing the right answer from her. He needed to know she had been wrong the first time. She didn't know how she had gotten this second chance, but it was real and needed and she was grateful.

"No."

"Yes."

He looked down. He hadn't done that before. This was all new and different.

"Tell me." The words escaped her lips before she could think. She had to get things back on track. Maybe he would leave and not tell her this time. She didn't know how much she had changed with just a few words, but she was slowly beginning to find out.

"Tell you what?"

"How you feel."

"About what?"

"Me."

"Why?" He had looked up and was peering into her soul like the first time.

"Because I need to hear it."

It was like the first time again. He was playing with his keys slightly. Standing awkwardly. Like last time.

"_I'm in love with you."_

"_What?"_

"_I'm really sorry if that's weird for you to hear, but I needed you to hear it. Probably not good timing. I know that, I just..."_

"_What are you doing? What do you expect me to say to that?" _She was speaking, but it didn't feel like her words. She knew she had said this before. She had been changing things. Why was everything going back to before?

"_I just needed you to know. Once."_

"_Well, I, um... I…I can't..." _No. Just stop talking. She couldn't get herself back now.

"_Yeah."_

"_You have no idea…" _Don't say the rest.

"_Don't do that…"_

"…_what your friendship means to me." _This can't be happening again. Her mind was in overdrive.

"_C'mon. I don't want to do that. I want to be more than that."_

"_I can't. I'm really sorry... if you misinterpreted things. It's probably my fault." _ He hadn't misinterpreted…that was the problem. She did love him. If only her words would work again.

"_Not your fault. I'm sorry I misinterpreted our friendship."_

How she got to the office she still can't figure. She's done it twice and it still makes no sense. Then he's there again. Maybe this time will be different. She hangs up the phone and waits for him. No words…that's different.

His arms are around her and they're kissing-like last time, but different. She kisses back-like last time. She pulls back again.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that."

"Me too. I think we're just drunk."

"I'm not drunk. Are you drunk?"

"No."

He's kissing her again. She didn't stop it this time. She's letting him kiss her again and it feels so right. She pulls back again and looks into his eyes. Her words work for her again and she fixes past mistakes.

"I'm not going to marry him."

"Okay."

And he kisses her again.

She doesn't know how, but she changed it.

Things turned out right.

The sound of the phone pulls her from her dreams. She looks up and Ryan is there. He is gone. Things didn't change.

And yet they did.

"Dunder-Mifflin, this is Pam."


End file.
